A Monster Shop ... Literally
Are you a Monster, a Vampire, Werewolf or maybe just a Thing of some description? Do you find that regular dental floss just snaps on your fangs, or are you a Zombie that laments the fact that regular mints just don’t quench the hideous stench of your breath? Do you wish there was a shop that catered for you, and that the next time you enquire whether they have anything suitable for tightening your neck bolts, the shopkeeper won’t look at you with fear etched in to their eyeballs … not dissimilar from the eyeballs you like to suck on as others might boiled sweets?
Well, the good news is that if you answered YES to any of the above, I have just the shop for you. It’s called Hoxton Street Monster Supplies and as the name suggests, can be found on Hoxton High Street, near where we do our Sunday east end walk.
The shop can cater for all your monster type needs, whether you’re partial to nibbling on pieces of flayed skin or need to replenish your dwindling stock of fresh farts. For those monsters with more refined tastes you could of course take home some guts and garlic chutney or a jar of thickest human snot. You can be sure to find only the best monster supplies like fang floss, impacted earwax and zombie fresh mints, as they’ve been a ‘purveyor of quality goods for monsters of every kind’ since 1818.
It’s not always as easy being a monster as people often think, but help is at hand, as you can purchase tins of ‘mortal terror’, ‘escalating panic’ or if you’re a subtler type of monster, ‘a vague sense of unease’.
A polite notice on the door will ask you to kindly refrain from eating the staff, only one giant may be permitted at any time (it’s a small shop) and if you’re a Vampire then they will be more than happy to arrange a nocturnal visit for you (by appointment only).
I should perhaps mention that Hoxton Street Monster Supplies is under license from the Ministry of Stories, a volunteering organisation founded by Nick Hornby, Lucy Macnab and Ben Payne to encourage creative writing for youngsters in the east end through one-on-one tutoring and group workshops. It was inspired by a shop for Pirates and writing centre, opened by Dave Eggers and Ninive Calegari in San Francisco called 826 Valencia. Believe it or not, Colin Firth is the Minister of Fluency and Alain de Botton, Minister for Literary Pleasures & Sorrows said “With wit, creativity and energy, the Ministry of Stories is helping society to feel less scared, less isolated and less angry, in short, more human.”
Unfortunately, the shop is closed on Sundays, but here is a monster group outside the Monster shop, when we passed by on a Sunday jaunt around Shoreditch and Hoxton on our way to Columbia Road Flower Market.
Hoxton Street Monster Supplies can be found at 159 Hoxton Street, London, N1 6PJ and the opening times are Mon – Fri (1pm – 5pm) and Sat (11am – 5pm). Also, if you're loathed to set foot outside during daylight hours because you might scare people, then you can of course order your monster supplies Online.
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